As the Captain of a starship, you’re afforded a few privileges that they don’t typically mention in the literature at your local Starfleet recruiting office. It turns out that one of those privileges is recruiting a private chef, and then ordering operations to deactivate all the replicators for the day so that you can show of your new chef to your senior staff.
And that’s exactly what I did when I recruited Ensign Chef Scott Spencer. And then, like that hack Emeril, I kicked it up a notch to warp 11. Instead of just serving the senior staff a meal of intergalactic proportions, I decided to secretly transport and trap them in a holodeck while they ate. Just as appetizers were being served, my senior staff found themselves assuming the roles of the crew of the USS Enterprise-D circa the late 2360s, just as they returned from their now famous away mission to recover the mythical and elusive Orb of Knowledge.
Cmdr Jon Sung was transformed into LtCmdr Data, while LtCmdr Tom Hesser became LtCmdr Geordi LaForge. Capt. Erik Roberts was Lt. Worf, En. Cindy Bee was En. Ro, En. Kristin Koperski as Counselor Troi, En. Jesse MacKinnon as Cmdr. Riker, En. Amy Sloan as Dr. Crusher, and Lt(jg) Ben Roodman played Guinan, complete with iconic hat! Meanwhile, I assumed the role of ‘Admiral Di Lithium’ to oversee the simulation, while Lt. Samantha Dolgoff, En. Andy Smith, En. Carla Newman, Crewman Ian Sayre, and Crewman Jessie Philipp served as supervisory staff.
Back in the galley, Ensign Chef Scott Spencer, assisted by Crewman Jenny Wilson and Crewman Chris Leung as his kitchen staff, began serving us amazing dishes from all over the Alpha and Beta quadrants. From Andorian tuber root to asparagus in yamuk sauce, targ in blood wine to the exotic ‘Parthas a la Yuta’, it was a five star meal that an Admiral would dream of.
While we washed down our meal with a healthy mix of Klingon Bloodwine, Château Picard, and Federation Standard Synthale, the crew gradually unraveled the mystery of the disappearance of the Orb of Knowledge from the Enterprise-D. ***SPOILER ALERT*** They were all guilty! However, I choose to omit from my log exactly how and in what way they were guilty; you’ll have to pick up your own vintage copy of the ‘How To Host a Star Trek TNG Mystery’ holo-program to find out!
~Capt. Zach Perkins
Commanding Officer
USS Loma Prieta
Starfleet, Region 4